Your wedding guest list will be the very first and last thing you visit when organising your wedding. It will determine how much your wedding costs, the venue that you choose etc. People under estimate the impact that the guest list will have on their wedding day. Here’s an example; the number of guests you have is connected to the type of venue that you choose and the type of venue you choose can impact on the type of dress you choose!
The guest list will also be the catalyst for many arguments; Bride vs Groom, Bride vs Mother, Bride vs mother-in-law to be and Bride vs Random family members who have been incognito for the last 25 years! Let’s analyse these battles:
Bride vs Groom
This battle usually occurs if the bride is too controlling over guest numbers or if the mother-in-law to be has been in her son’s ear following a bride vs random family member battle.
From a brides point of view, this is probably the most important day of her life (ignore less important stuff like giving birth etc). Therefore she will be very specific about who will enjoy this day, especially if numbers are tight. Grooms can present two problems. The first is that they can tend to not have a clue about what is going on. This can lead to them doing this really weird thing where they feel the need to invite random people to their wedding in passing conversation. Then, 2 weeks before the wedding, they will tell the bride that they need to add another 20 people to the guest list! If you ever see a man with a black eye before his wedding; he did this!
The second problem that the groom can present is that he can tend to be the ‘mouth piece’ for anyone who wants to have a say about the guest list but does not have the guts to approach the bride. The groom may approach the bride with statements that are not his own but he has been encouraged to state by people such as his mother or random family members that have been incognito for 25 years. If you see a groom with 2 black eyes; he did this too!
My advice? Try to understand that he is probably under pressure to accommodate everyone because he’s a lovely guy; that’s why you are marrying him. And, if all else fails, we women ignore what men say 99% of the time; don’t let anything he says in either of these scenarios fall into the 1%.
Bride vs Mother
When a mother is marrying off her daughter, that sense of pride seems to cause an hormonal imbalance that creates a beast called the Mumzilla. Mumzillas can function normally in every other walk of life other than when it comes to the subject of her daughters wedding. She will do irrational stuff. Example: A friend of mine was getting married and her mother wanted the world to know about it. My friend’s mother gave her a list of people that she wanted to invite, included on this list was ‘The man from the fruit and veg stall’! An argument ensued because it was obvious that the mother didn’t really know the guy. Her mother eventually had to admit that she didn’t even know his name and that it was only because he was really nice to her when she bought her bananas from him! Needless to say, the man from the fruit and veg stall was not invited. On a side note, the bride gave her mother a table of 10 for whom she could invite whoever she wanted; not one of these guests turned up on the day! Be warned!
My advice would be this. If Mumzilla is not contributing financially to the wedding, technically you are not obliged to entertain any conversations about the guest list. However, whether a bride likes it or not, in some ways the wedding is as much her parents day as it is her own and it is nice to involve them where possible; even if you ignore everything they say anyway!
If Mumzilla is contributing financially, my advice would be to pray to Jesus; for really long!
Bride vs Mother-in-law to be
All rules regarding Mumzilla apply (please see Bride vs Mother battle). Even worse, sometimes a mother in law can feel that she has no power or say regarding the wedding arrangements, this will cause her to nag your future husband to death until she causes a Bride vs Groom battle.
If your mother-in-law is not contributing financially; just humour her, it won’t hurt!
If she is contributing financially, pray to Jesus and contact your local priest for an exorcism because you are in trouble and NO ONE can help you!
Bride vs Random family members that have been incognito for the last 25 years
Every one loves a wedding and everyone will want to be invited to your wedding; regardless of how well you know them! It’s is embarrassing when Gary from Compliance (who you hate) asks, “So when am I getting my invite”?
The “Gary from Compliance” syndrome can extend to family too! Every bride will have some cousin that she hasn’t seen in over 20 years that is waiting for their invite. This can create problems. Do you invite a family member that you don’t really know over a work colleague that you really like and see 5 days a week? Where do you draw the line? In addition, not inviting this cousin can trigger any of the above 3 battles or all of the above 3 battles at one time!
My advice? If you want your wedding to double up as a family reunion and you would like to reconnect with said cousin, then go for it. If you are tight on numbers and have to draw a line, have a rule that if you have not seen or heard from a family member in 2 years then they are not invited. The likelihood is that if you do not invite this cousin that you haven’t seen for 20 years, after your wedding day, you won’t hear from them for another 20 years anyway!
Angels and Gypsies